


And a window to see through

by Hopeful_Foolx



Series: Whumptober 2019 [10]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Friendship, I'm ten years late to the party what else is new, Missing Scene, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Spock is talking about feelings and sucks at it, Unconsciousness, Whumptober 2019, all the feels, and fluff, day 10 - unconscious, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-22 07:15:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21071966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopeful_Foolx/pseuds/Hopeful_Foolx
Summary: After being brought back to life, Jim remains unconscious. Bones is worried. So is Spock.





	And a window to see through

**Author's Note:**

> Part 10, only a week late. I'm working on it, actually. This is also my first english work in this fandom, which is really sad because it took me so long to post something here. I've been thinking about this for so long. Also, it can be seen as ship if you squint. Have fun! (Also, here again, I am not a native speaker. Sorry for mistakes, they are all mine)

“He’s stable, for now.” 

It’s the words he needs to hear as he sits down next to the bed. He needs to hear it, from McCoy, as illogical as it is, he needs this Doctor to say that Kirk- Jim - will be alright. Or… better. 

“Do you expect there to be… lasting effects? From the serum?” 

“Well, he’s Jim. Don’t think he can be any more stubborn than he is. But for the rest, we have to wait. The girl who got injected with his blood shows no signs of changing into Khan, and I can tell you that that tribble is still just purring and eating as usual.” He looks … jittery. Spock can see it in the way he is moving. Sleep deprived, exhausted, and maybe it’s this what makes him so… He doesn’t have a word for it. He’s worried, at least. He can tell he hasn’t slept, the dark circles under his eyes are proving it, and he moves so much. So much. There are lines in his face that make him appear older, as if he lost his composure and sarcasm, his deep humor that Spock fails to understand sometimes, but that is still oddly comforting. It seems so forced now. He tries, but he can imagine that it’s not easy with their friend lying motionless in the white bed before them. Spock himself finds it hard to keep himself to logic. So he doesn’t know why he is still here, sitting down even. Why he is thinking about reaching out and against all odds even show signs of affection by taking Jims hand.

“Thank you, Doctor.” He looks away and back to the person on the bed. Hands to his sides on the blankets. This is also not okay. Jim Kirk is never this still, never like this. He is talking, too much sometimes. Teasing ‘Bones’. Teasing  _ him _ . But now he is not, and Spocks brain tells him that this is normal, his body needs the rest, needs to process the serum, he still feels the wrongness of the situation to his bones. McCoy can’t mask his concern, Jim is so still, and he? He himself? Is he losing his logic? Does he become… Emotional? Is this how it happens? Even these questions are not even logic ones. Self doubt never is. 

Jim is pale. It’s okay because he is sure that there is a good and explainable reason for it, but Jim is  _ pale  _ and he doesn’t like it. Otherwise he looks like he should, apart from details. Details that make Spock uneasy. The white hospital gown, of course. The bed, but at least there is a window beside it. How his eyes are closed and he doesn’t move and it bothers him, but it’s normal and his thoughts keep spiraling in a way that makes him wish even more that he could talk to his mother. She would never judge him for it, but she is gone. And Jim is not, he was, it was so close, but he is still there. It’s endless. 

“How’s your head?” He doesn’t flinch but blinks in surprise as McCoy speaks, still next to him. Yes, his head. He should answer. But his eyes are fixed on Jim. 

Spock fought Khan. He wanted to hurt him, break his bones, kill him, kill him because he hoped it would ease the pain he felt. Like something was ripped out of his body. It was not only that. He wanted to hurt the man that was responsible for Jim’s death. And he did, he did hurt him, as illogical as it was, he didn’t go for the kill right ways. He wanted to make him feel the pain. And he would have succeeded if this bastard wasn’t needed anymore, if Nyota hadn’t stopped him. Was this the reason he had to keep his motions at bay? Because it made him a monster? He punched and ran and jumped and even ignored the fracture in his skull that nearly made him collapse when he was back on the ship and Kahn was taken away to sickbay, where Jim was, and where he himself also was taken. Fuzzyness took over after that.

“You like so unlike Spock that it makes me worry if I missed an injury?” It’s more the humor he is used to, and he feels a tiny and weak wave of relief washing over him. This is better. 

“I can assure you that my head is quite fine, Doctor McCoy. But may I ask you a different question?” He doesn’t wait. “When was the last time you slept? It’s been days since the Captain has been stabilized and you don’t look like you took some rest.” McCoy frowns and sits down on the other side of the bed. His exhaustion is even more visible now, sitting in the light and on eye level. It’s sunny outside. The light from the window shines into his face but he doesn’t blink and keeps his eyes on McCoy.

“Which one of us is the doctor here, Spock?” 

“You, but I know you are trying to change the topic, and that very poorly as I might add.” 

“I just…” The doctor pauses and leans forward, elbows on the bed. “I can’t leave him. You can call me stupid, irrational, but I need to be here. I still… I still have this image burned into my inner eye. He was dead, Spock. Dead.” 

“He won’t stop breathing if you are not here to get some rest, doctor-” He can’t finish as McCoy cuts in, voice thick with something that could be interpreted as aggression, but he knows it’s something different.

“Yes, I know that, Spock, I should-” He shuts him off with a look and keeps talking himself. Because he knows and understands now, and he needs to say this now. Or never. It’s not only that he sees it, he can imagine Jim sitting here with them. Jim, always caring for his crew. With the Captain out of commission, it was his job to take over. As first officer, of course. But also as friend. 

“...but I know it feels that way. I can assure you, that I am properly rested. and if you should decide to go to sleep, preferably in a real bed, I will wait for your return.” He takes a breath. “I can stay with Jim, Leonard. He would… not be pleased seeing you so tired.” 

“Getting emotional here, eh?” He shakes his head, eyes wandering over to the window where he can see their reflection. He looks away again.

“No. I’m laying out facts, nothing more. You are tired, I am not. It is the logical consequence that I take over until you are rested.” 

It must be a testament of how tired the doctor really is that he shakes his head after a minute and gives a deep sigh. At this moment, Spock knows he won. He starts to think that logic isn’t the reason for his victory, but nonetheless. It doesn’t change the outcome.

“I am in one of the free rooms. You run and get me when something happens. Anything.” Anything might be a bit drastic, but he nods, still. Worry is not a stranger to him, after all. 

He waits over an hour before he says something. Leonard must be asleep by now, or he certainly hopes and doesn’t doubt it. 

“You look… still not well.” he tries. “I read that it is supposed to help to talk to comatose people - while the term comatose is wrong in your case. You just need… rest. Which is perfectly normal, as Doctor McCoy continues to persuade us. I talked to the crew yesterday. We suffered … losses.” He stops there. Maybe this is not helping. Talking about the losses is considered a negative topic. Not a good one. 

“But… we still have a crew. Which you saved with… Getting the warp core working again. What nearly killed you.” 

He stops again. 

“It actually killed you, Ca- Jim.” He puts both of his hands on the mattress. “And I nearly killed Khan. I didn’t even think about the possibility-” He stops again. He didn’t even think. Not at all. He was nearly blind with rage, ran and hurt. No logical thought crossed his mind, and even as he recalls it now it makes the anger bubble up again. He keeps calm, now. Jim always knows when something is bothering Spock, and he got from it, that humans feel other peoples emotions without being telepathically giftet. The last thing he wants now is to disturb his… friend. They established that, after all. In the last seconds before... 

His hand hovers over Jim’s sleeve, where there is still cloth. He doesn’t touch bare skin, and he also doesn’t touch the sleeve. He can’t. As much as he desperately wants to, he doesn’t. He wants to touch, feel the skin, the contact of a very much alive Jim Kirk. He is battling himself to touch, but keeps his hand hovering, before he drops it back on the mattress. Inches away from his. His face stares back at him in the window. 

“You are expected to make a full recovery. I thought you might want to hear that.”

He stays silent for the next eight hours, staring out of the window until the light fades and after. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ^^ Maty


End file.
